


I begged him to stay (But he left)

by Nuttelashake



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Character Death, Dead Peter Parker, Emotional Hurt, Hurt Peter Parker, I Don't Even Know, I Made Myself Cry, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Parent Tony Stark, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Worried May Parker (Spider-Man), Worried Tony Stark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-12
Updated: 2019-07-15
Packaged: 2020-06-27 00:12:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19779304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nuttelashake/pseuds/Nuttelashake
Summary: Tony walked towards the gravestone, and stood right in front of it. He smiled and gently put a hand on the stone, slowly rubbing it. Then, he sat down and looked at it for a minute.“Hey, kid.”----------------orA story of Peter Parker staying in his loved one's memories and hearts ,after his death, as they deny, accept, grieve and move on.





	1. Don't let this be real

**Author's Note:**

> So.....I don't know what the hell is wrong with me because I was thinking about my new fanfiction (not published yet) and this came to my mind. I don't know if you will like it or not becasue I haven't read the whole work myself after I finished it because whenever I do I just delete the whole thing. So let me know if it was crap or not.

When Tony was five years old, his mother was the most important person in his life. And it wasn’t surprising because that was how it was for the most of children his age. 

But his mother was the only important person in his life as well. And it stayed like that for a long time . 

When he was 5, one day, he woke up in a cold rainy afternoon, when the grey clouds made their home look dark and sad. 

He had a nightmare so he went to his mother’s room, looking for her. But she wasn’t there. He searched the rest of their home looking for her, he even checked the refrigerator, but he couldn’t find her any where. He was really scared because she hadn’t told him she was going anywhere and she always told him when she went out. 

And when he found out the only person left in the house was his father, he ran to his room and covered himself with blankets and started crying. He didn’t go to his father, because he was already blaming Tony for being so needy, after telling him his mother was out with her friend. 

When he realized he couldn’t stop crying, he called his mother and started sobbing, begging her to come back, begging her to not leave him alone. 

And she came back and hugged him and kissed him and let him cry and stayed with him. 

And 17 years later, her mother left. And she never came back again no matter how much Tony sobbed and begged her to. 

Then, 25 years later, Tony met Peter Parker. An unusual kid with an unusual passion for life and unusual desire to help and an unusual will to be good.

And Peter had made Tony a father.

Something Tony never thought he would be. Something Tony never would be, without Peter.

And it wasn’t easy.

Because Tony was a clueless man who didn’t know what to do with his own life, let alone guide a kid to the right way and teach him to be a great man.

Tony was irresponsible person. He still fell sleep in his meetings. He wasn’t ready to look out for another person , when he still didn’t get enough sleep.

Tony wasn’t patient enough to let a kid cry and yell and get all moody and still stay and talk to him.

He wasn’t ready to heal someone else’s wounds when he still couldn’t deal with his old scars. 

He didn’t know what to do, what to say or how to act with a teenager. He didn’t know what he was supposed to show another person know that he cared, that he was there, that he supported him. He didn’t know how to show his feelings. And it was different with Pepper and Happy and Rhodes. Because they knew. They understood and didn’t need to hear it. 

But a teenager....was like a person standing on the edge of a roof. There were many things that could break him and if he broke at this age, the pieces wouldn’t get back together easily. 

And Tony was something that could break him. Because he could be uncaring, mean, harsh, irresponsible, hard to reach and a jerk. 

But it was Peter. Peter Parker.

Tony didn’t know what he had done to deserve him. There were a lot of parents who were trying so hard to get their kid back to the right road. And Tony was just wondering around, doing stupid shits when he met Peter. Best kid in the world with the brightest smile, biggest and purest heart, and most hopeful eyes. Eyes full of hope and energy and happiness and life. 

And then he just stared at Tony with those, and started talking to Tony like he couldn’t see the walls around his heart. Like it was easy to look up at the most messed up man, and see a father in him. Like it was easy to suddenly become Tony’s son.

And it wasn’t always easy. They had fights. Peter was a confused teenager and Tony was a stubborn man. They had their own struggles to get to the father-son relationship they had now.

And they sometimes both acted like kids sometimes. They teased and made fun of each other. They played video games and secretly texted: Tony in meetings and Peter in classes and of course they had their own pillow fights. That’s why Pepper insisted that she was taking care of two boys. 

But Pepper and Tony and Happy and Rhodey and May Peter...hell everyone knew behind Tony’s smirk, there was a proud father looking after his son. 

And no matter how hard it sometimes became, and how many things Peter couldn’t still change in Tony, he changed one thing.

He made Tony try.  
And not because he had to. Because he wanted to. He wanted to become a better man, a better father, for Peter. 

And that’s what he needed the most. 

A motivation. A reason to become better. A reason for himself. Not for the others and what they wanted or what they thought. A reason for himself. His son.

So yeah....suddenly Tony saw another important person in his life. Someone he truly loved and who truly loved him back. 

So, Tony found Peter. 

And then, Peter left.

And Tony sobbed and begged him to come back.

But Peter Parker never came back. 

_______________________

A simple phone call. 

Tony got a lot of those. 

“Hey, Mr. Stark. I know you are going to this business trip and you won’t listen to it anytime soon....But, whenever you did....I had a question. Where would you go if you were a frog trying to escape? MJ trusted us to keep her cousin’s frog and Ned let go of it.....Okay, okay, Ned....w  
• Okay, Mr. Stark...Ned accidently let it go., yeah Ned, yeah, it slipped. Please answer right away, because if MJ finds out sooner, well, we wouldn’t see the morning and I was planning on watching Star wars return of the Jedi, and yes, Mr. Stark, I know it would be the thousand time, and yes I know I am a nerd, but you have admitted that the movie is super cool in truth or dare and I have your voice an....Okay, now I think Ned is going to kill me too. So just please use the amphibious part of yourself and also prepare for yourself for the time you come back and I beat you in Mario. Call me, and Do Not text between meetings. Pepper found you hopeless so she kinda blames me for that? Oh, and say hi to Pepper too....Okay, Okay, the dark side of Ned is coming out, bye for now.......hey, Ne....”

This was one of the stupidest voice massages he ever got. And he listened to it in a meeting and Pepper did actually blamed Peter. Well...not blaming...she just showed she was annoyed.

And no matter how much Tony told Peter he had better things than always listen to his stupid voicemails, that day, after that meeting, his face lit up, realizing he had a new voicemail, hoping it was Peter. 

But it was Rhodey. 

He played it. 

“Tony...”

And that word was enough. Because Tony knew some was really wrong. He could hear the unspoken words behind Rhodey’s shaking voice. Rhodey’s voice. Because Tony could tell Rhodey was sad and shocked and scared by his voice. And Rhodey was never scared. 

“ ...umm...Tony...uhhh- could you, please_ uhhh_ call me?”

“Tony, there was an, there was an accident, uhh...can you...can you just come? It’s Peter. Come to, come to Queens, uh... Peter’s neighbour.8" 

Tony was in his suit before he even knew it. Everything was just a blur. All of the sounds and voices around him became meaningless whispers to his ears and all he could hear was Rhodey’s shaking voice. 

“It’s Peter.”

And the sentence just kept playing in his mind. Peter was in trouble. Peter was hurt. And that made Tony freak out. But he didn’t have time for that. Not when it was about Peter. He couldn’t let his stupid panic come over him when his kid was hurt and needed him. 

And of course the kid was hurt. He always got himself in deep shits. It was like he had some sensors that found danger and walked towards it. The kid always got hurt and as Tony and Peter got closer each day, it became harder and harder for Tony to control his shit. 

And Tony hated the feel of concern growing inside him every time Peter got hurt. Because every time he felt like he was the 5 year old kid, asking for his mom, begging her to stay with him. And he just couldn’t help the voice in his mind that kept telling him that ‘It’s over. That’s it. That’s the time he actually leaves. The time he never comes back again. That’s the time when the door won’t open again.’

But he swallowed it all down. Because he was a hero. He was Ironman, and his son needed him. If he wasn’t able to save him just because a stupid voice, then who was he?

Tony didn’t know how he got to Parker’s house. But he remembered his heart sinking at the sight of the burning house above him, as he got closer to the apartment. 

When he landed, he saw Rhodey running towards him. 

“Hey...May called Pepper from her work. She tried to tell you but you wouldn’t pick up so she called me. There....there was an accident. The house went on fire and....”

Tony couldn’t take it anymore. His mind was screaming at him to do something, to find Peter, check Peter, make sure Peter was okay, hug Peter and ruffle his hair and make him feel safe and good. All he could think of was Peter and all he could feel was the need to save Peter, keep Peter safe. So he interrupted Rhodey. Deciding not to care about anything else until Peter was okay and warm and in his arms. 

“Rhodey, where is Peter and how is he?”

Tony said with a firm and serious voice, getting straight to the point.

Something changed in Rhodey’s face. It was like his face hardened and softened in the same time, in a sad way. There was something in his face that Tony couldn’t understand. Like a deep sadness, but still, it was something that couldn’t make sense of, and for one second he swear he saw tears in Rhodey’s eyes. 

“Tony, I...I think maybe you should sit somewhere....uh...I...um”

Okay, this whole situation was making Tony really angry. Tony needed to get to Peter and Rhodey was just wasting time. And what the hell was with this whole ‘sit somewhere’ thing? Didn’t he realize that Peter was in danger and Tony didn’t have a second to kill?

And then it clicked in Tony’s mind.

“Rho....Rhodey....Don’t tell me he’s...he’s still there....Don’t fucking tell me he’s still there....”

Tony almost yelled at the end with a horrified voice.

But before Tony could yell at him to send help or even run into the burning building himself, Rhodey shook his head and now Tony could tell for sure he had tears in his eyes.

“No...no Tony...they got him out...he’s...he’s not there. “

“ So why don’t you just fucking tell me where he is?”

Rhodey was struggling to get words out of his mouth while keeping the tears from falling and Tony was just losing his patience.

“Tony....He ...Peter, he....he couldn’t_ didn’t make it.”

And in Tony’s mind, those were the most ridiculous words in world. The words just passed Tony’s mind and Tony couldn’t make any meaning out of them.

What did he mean?

“What do you mean?”

“I’m sorry...I’m so sorry, Tony...we ...we lost him....he didn’t make it.”

Tony ‘s world started to fall apart. 

Because that was not possible. These words were not supposed to ever be said about Peter Benjamin Parker. This moment wasn’t supposed to exist out of Tony’s nightmares. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Peter wasn’t supposed to not make it. He was Spiderman. He was supposed to save himself or get saved by Tony. This couldn’t be real, because no matter how hard or bad t was, Peter Parker was meant to stay. He was meant to go through it with Tony.

Peter Parker couldn’t leave.

“Is this a prank?”

Tony could see Rhodey’s face twitch. But he didn’t believe it. He didn’t believe any of it. 

“Is the damn jerk trying to scare the shit out of me again? Huh? Haha, not this time Parker. Now get out. Get the fuck out of wherever the hell you are, Peter Parker, get your ass in here, NOW.”

He started turning around and yelling at the air. He could feel Rhodey’s hands trying to keep him still. 

“Tony, Tony, Please... don’t do this to yourself...please don’t make it any harder.”

Tony suddenly turned back to face Rhodey again.

“What do you mean don’t make this harder? You’re telling me that Peter didn’t make it...How the hell can I make it any harder???”

Tony stopped yelling and took a minute to catch his breath and then started. 

“Rhodey...I don’t understand...I don’t understand any of it so please_ if this is a joke, pleas end it right now ,you did it...okay?...you managed to scared the living crap out of me, so now please just...”

Tony was cut off with a scream. The most painful scream had heard in his life. The scream tat Tony was sure wouldn’t get out of his head forever and would haunt him for the rest of his life. 

And he knew the voice.  
It was May’s.

He turned back to see the woman for the first time. She half kneed down, screaming and sobbing in Pepper’s arms as Pepper tried to make her stand up and take her away from where she was and what she was seeing.

She was standing in front of a body on the floor. But Tony could only see the legs, and the rest his view of the body was blocked by paramedics. 

Tony walked over them. Not sure of he really wanted to see, though. Rhodey tried to pull him away, but Tony kept on walking anyway. 

The voices of sirens an people screaming and crying and running and yelling and Rhodey’s voice was replaced with one thing: May’s desperate screams and sobs. Faces of people around him, the burning house, different colours were all replaced by the picture of that strong woman, now kneeing on the ground and crying endlessly with two legs besides her. 

Tow legs wearing the same shoes that Tony had bought Peter. 

But Tony could not believe it. Peter couldn’t be laying on the hard cold ground. He had to be in Tony and May’s arms, with them reassuring him that it was okay, he was okay. 

And Peter couldn’t be gone. He just...couldn’t be. It was like...like a rule. It was like and unwritten rule for Tony that Peter Benjamin Parker, was not able to do the action of death. It was just how it was and it wasn’t supposed to change ever. 

Peter Parker couldn’t leave.

It took him a lifetime for Tony to get there. To finally see it. 

And that’s when Tony’s shaking world, finally fell down and shattered to pieces. 

This wasn’t Peter. 

Peter had a happy face with a dumb smile, which grew across his face whenever his eyes met Tony’s. Peter had beautiful brown eyes that carried the weigh of the highest hopes and light of prettiest days. Life lived in Peter’ eyes. Thee eyes that would never stop looking at Tony. The eyes that would give you kindness and passion every time you looked at them. 

So these couldn’t be Peter’s eyes. These empty eyes, staring at the sky, with nothing in them, couldn’t be his eyes. 

And that pale skin couldn’t be Peter’s. 

The sight made Tony wanted to throw up. Peter’s face was covered with bruises and cuts and burns. His face was so white. His eyes were staring at the sky without any sign of life in them. He just looked..... so gone.

He kneed down besides him as well, making the paramedics leave

He looked at those eyes, tears falling from his own eyes. He touched Peter’s cheeks, flinching at how cold Peter’s body was, but his hands not leaving Peter’s face. His hands reached for Peter’s curls, more tears falling as he looked at the blood in them, but he still kept on ruffling them, like he always did. Because Peter loved it when he did it, so maybe he would get back, maybe the life and joy would get back to his eyes, maybe the warmth would get back to his body. 

“Petey...”

He was shocked at how slow and helpless his voice was.

“Wake up, underoos..”

And he waited. He really did, because Peter never disobeyed him. 

He might tease him or make fun of him or call him old or sometimes run away from him, but he always listened to him.

So why wasn’t he waking up? Why wasn’t his eyes opening? Why wasn’t his voice calling for him?

He felt a hand on his shoulders. He looked up and saw Pepper. She slowly kneed down besides him and gave him a sad smile. She slowly moved her hands and put them on Peter’s eyes, slowly putting them down. Tony wanted to stop her but he found himself frozen and unable to move.

He watched helplessly as Peter’s eyelids covered the prettiest eyes in the world. 

Tony wanted to keep them open, because if they close, they would never open again. Tony was never going to see them again, he was never going to see that light again. Peter’s eyes would never look at him with admire. Those eyes were never going to watch the sun rise again, they would never open lazily after a late night. 

And those lips were never going to move again, telling Tony cheesy jokes and school projects and nerdy stuff. They were never going to build up Tony’s favourite smile. They would never smirk at Tony getting yelled at by Pepper. They were never going to laugh ad he beat Tony in Mario.

These hands were never going to embrace Tony, and those legs were never going to run towards Tony again.

“Kid....”

Tony whispered.

“....you can wake up now, okay? Please Pete...please wake up...”

His voice was broken and cracking. 

“Hey kid.....it’s not funny anymore...I swear...I swear that I won’t be mad, okay? Just...just end this....please Peter don’t leave me.....please Peter let this be a joke, let this be a nightmare....”

He was slowly taken back when the paramedics got closer and slowly put a white sheet on him.

Tony struggled.

“No no no no . Please don’t do this, d....don’t....He can’t breath like that....please don’t...”

Don’t make it real. Please don’t let it be real. Please.

Please don’t let Peter Parker die. Don’t let his chest stay still. Please get him back. I want him back. I want my son back. Please don’t make me lose him.

Peter, I swear. I swear to god I’ll be better. You are my son, Peter, I never told you this, please stay. Don’t leave me Peter.

Please don’t leave me Peter.

Pepper tried to make it easier. 

She tried to make Tony believe as one week passed and Tony still denied. She tried to make Tony accept it and grieve. She tried so hard to hold herself together for May and Tony.

But Tony didn’t want to believe it. 

Because maybe this would end. Maybe if he refused long enough, universe would give his kid back. Maybe if Peter saw how Tony didn’t play it, he would come back. Maybe he would one day wake up with Peter by his side, shaking his shoulder, telling him it was just a nightmare. Telling him that they were okay and they were going to stay together forever. That nothing would make Peter leave.

But it was getting harder and harder not to believe, as Happy and Rhodey and Pepper tried to calm him down, tried to comfort May. It was really hard to think it was all fake as he walked into rooms and saw them crying, as people called May, telling her they were sorry. Ned and MJ went to compound, and they were a mess. 

And it was really hard not to believe, when he saw MJ, the MJ, sobbing in May’s shoulder with Ned. 

Rhodey told him how Peter died. He didn’t really want to sat it, and Tony knew he didn’t want to hear it. But he had to know. Peter had gone through it, that was the least Tony could do. 

"Peter had heard a woman screaming, saying her building was in fire. He went out and saw it was his neighbour's house, he didn’t wear his suit, but he helped everyone get out. May was at work, but one of the neighbours called her. Uh....well he got everybody out and he was out himself, but then....uhh....then a woman said....she had lost her son and couldn’t find him, and Peter thought he was in the apartment so he walked in again....”

“What do you mean ‘thought’?”

“urghhh.... he wasn’t in the apartment, he had gotten away with his father before but they just couldn’t find each other. But uh..... when Peter entered a art pf building collapsed and uh...he was trapped under the rubble but he was hit in his head so he couldn’t get out, and he was.....he was..... a part pf rubble impaled him in his stomach and he.....he lost a lot of blood and when....when we got there he was already....already dead. May got there after us.”

Tony could still remember how it suddenly became so hard to see, breath, move, or think. He remembered how it became hard to stop the tears from falling down. He remembered how Rhodey has held him up before he could fall on his knees, he remembered how Rhodey embraced him as he sobbed . 

Tony knew Peter hated being alone. He knew Peter hated buildings, specially when they fell down on him. 

And it was just so so not fair. It was not fair for the teenager who had so much hope for life and future to be dead for nothing. It wasn’t fait for the world’s brightest hero to die trying to save someone who didn’t need saving. It wasn’t fair for Tony’s heart to beat when Peter’s wasn’t. 

Peter, who was so strong and so kind and so pure and honest and brave and bright and hopeful, didn’t deserve to be so cold, so still, so empty, and so dead. It wasn’t fair that the biggest heart in the world wasn’t beating, his chest wasn’t rising and falling. 

It wasn’t fair that May was having his 15 year old teenager’s funeral. 

And Tony didn’t want to talk about it, didn’t want to hear about it or think about it or accept it. 

Because the words Peter and funeral, Peter and casket, Peter and death weren’t supposed to come in the same sentence. 

It wasn’t fair for Peter to lay under the cold and dark ground, and not be able to get out. Not be able to be with his friends, not be able to be with Tony and May, to laugh, to hug, to see the sun, run under the rain, feel the wind.

It wasn’t fair that Peter would never join another team, win an award. It wasn’t fair that Peter would never graduate, wear that cap and gown, threw it in the air. He would never get a job, rent an apartment, have a date, listen to Tony giving him the talk. He would never wear a wedding suit. Never say his oath. He didn’t even have his first kiss. Peter would never be able to kiss the one he loves. Probably the girl MJ. He would never have kids. He wouldn’t be ever able to travel around the world. 

And the worst part was that everyone would move on. Sooner or later, MJ would find another one, would go on different dates and fall in love with someone else. They would get married and have kids. And those little cute kids wouldn’t be Peter’s.

And Ned was going to find another friend one day, and some day Ned would complete his lego sets with his new friend. They would watch star wars together and talk about nerdy stuff. And Peter wouldn’t be Ned’s best friend anymore. 

All of his teachers were going to find another tip student. His classmates were soon going to forget him, and people of Queens were soon going to forget about the hero that gave up his life trying to save them. everybody who knew him would move on.

And that’s why Tony didn’t want to accept it. Because of he did, he would have to move on. He would have to grieve, deal, forget and keep on going. And Tony hated it. 

Tony hated a thought of himself forgetting Peter. He hated to think that one day, Tony wouldn’t feel empty without his son. Tony hated to think that one day, Tony would laugh again, not remembering the hero who died alone and scared. 

Tony hated it. He hated everything. 

He went out and watched people. Kids running un the streets, screaming and laughing. Lovers h9ldung hands, smiling as they looked into each other’s eyes. Parents who bought ice creams for their kids. He watched the excitement in the kids eyes as they chose their favourite flavour. He watched teenagers hanging out after school, laughing out loud and having fun. People celebrating birthdays.

And he hated it. He hated when people laughed and smiled and kissed and had fun. He hated that they didn’t know, that they weren’t sad, that they haven’t lost. He hated himself for being able to see and do the things that Peter couldn’t do. He hated everyone for accepting it and he hated himself for bot accepting it. He knew it wasn’t her fault but he hated that woman for sending Peter to death. He hated that boy for being lost. He hated the paramedics for not being able to do anything. He hated that Peter was dead but there were many people out there who weren’t even half good as Peter but they were alive. He hated that everyone got their second chance in life, but Peter didn’t have any other chance. He hated Peter for dying and he hated himself for thinking like that. He hated all of those bastards in the meeting.

And he hated the world for taking Peter’s life in the worst way. Alone and scared. 

Peter Parker didn’t deserve to die alone. He deserved to be surrounded by people who loved him. He deserved to have Tony and May by his side, telling him it was okay. Telling him he did good and he saved everyone, as expected from the hero he was, whispering his favourite song in his ears, ruffling his hair, whipping away his tears. Peter deserved to be told that he was loved, he deserved to be told how good he was and how much everyone loved him and felt proud of him. He deserved to die knowing he was never alone. He deserved to die in peace.

But instead, he had died while experiencing his worst nightmare. With a building on top of him and no way to get out, Peter had died alone and in great ain. Struggling to get out, he must have felt death slowly coming towards him. He must have had so many things he wanted to say, so many things he wanted to hear, so many faces he wanted to met, but he couldn’t.

And he had died in fear.

And Tony Stark, his hero, with one job to protect him and keep him safe, wasn’t there for him in his last minutes. And he hadn’t even heard Tony telling him that he was Tony’s son. 

Tony had failed. 

And now Peter was gone.

Tony had sobbed and begged him to stay but it was too late, now that Peter Parker has left.


	2. So many things we haven't said

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I really wanted a part with May in Peter's bedroom, so I edited the last chapter, making Peter die in his neighbour's apartment. 
> 
> Well, my day was going pretty well, until I started writing this chapter, and now I feel really shitty. And it's 3 am in here and I have to wake up early tomorrow so I'm kinda messed up.

“Hey, Peter”

Tony could hear his voice echoing in the graveyard. His ears unconsciously was expecting to hear Peter’s excited voice talking back.  
“Hey, Mr. Stark...What’s up? Oh...no....Don’t tell me...me first...Guess what?..... Spanish test? Nailed it.”

Tony smiled at Peter’s happy voice playing in his head. He realized the tears in his eyes and shook his head. It was just weird to call Peter and not hear his voice after.

“Long time, huh?....Fours months since you.....”

He shook his head again. He paused for some seconds to control his tears. 

“....uhh...since you left.”

He looked at his graveyard and tried not to throw up at how close the date of his death and birth was. Trying not to think about the fact that Peter was under his feet now, and the only thing he could refer to as Peter was a headstone. 

“Um...Sorry I was late at your funeral. Really didn’t want to show up, but then I thought, maybe this is the last time I could....I could see you....and that was the least I could do for you, didn’t really want you to be alone in this. And May, she couldn’t do it alone either. I mean, you wouldn’t want her to deal with this alone, right? so didn’t I.”

He looked at the headstone again. He didn’t really know what to say. Maybe because he was talking to a stone. Maybe because it wouldn’t be so quiet and sad and uncomfortable if he was actually talking to Peter. 

“Um...you know I never believed in god and I still don’t....but....If there is any chance that you could hear me....I just...I don’t know. I’ve never not talked to you for so long and I just...I guess I just want to talk to you...”

He looked at the headstone again and he heard nothing. God...how he missed his voice...he would do anything to hear it call him ‘Mr. Stark’ again. 

He stayed still for a minute, but then, he lied on the grave with his back against the headstone, but not taking all the space, just close enough to Peter’s name. He felt better this way. Like it was just a normal day that they would sit on the couch together with Tony’s arms around Peter’s shoulder, and they would talk about everything, and Peter was the one who talked the most. Guess it was Tony’s turn now.

“Sorry to say, but your funeral was really hard. It was just so hard to see people who hardly even knew or remembered you pretend like they were so sad. I mean...I know that’s just nice people trying to comfort your aunt, but ...the most thing that made them upset about your death was your age. They just....they just didn’t know how good and worthy you were. They didn’t see what the world has lost. They were just sad about a number. And it was so shitty to think that they wouldn’t even feel that sad two hours later. Like it is nothing.”

“ But you know what? All of your classmates were there. Even that little asshole Flash. I really wanted to punch him when I first saw him but then, looking at his face. You wouldn’t believe it, Pete. He was like....so freaking shocked...and upset, he even cried....I mean, can you believe it? I think you would’ve laughed at his face if you saw it. But I really felt bad for him...kinda...guess you were right when you said he didn’t really means to be so mean.”

“And May?...I think she handled it pretty well. I mean of course she cried a lot, but she held herself just fine. And her speech? It was just great, wasn’t it? Made me cry a lot.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t give a speech. I know you would have been disappointed. But then I looked at everyone and I just thought....what am I doing? I mean, I just... I had to go up there and try to explain you to these people who wouldn’t really care that much just to prove that I love you and I miss you and try to like....convince them that they were there for a pure person, in like...five minutes and it just...it just didn’t feel right. Because you aren’t here anymore. What was the point of telling them that you were like my son when I’ve never told you that? It just felt so wrong and I couldn’t do it. It felt like....a ..a show. Like .... it felt so unreal and fake. Like when I had interviews with reporters and ...that person isn’t me. It’s just someone that gives them and tells them what they want and I didn’t want to pretend. I didn’t want to be someone else, someone just to tell them the point of going there that day, convincing them that they did a good thing by coming, and giving them words they wanted to hear, words they were supposed to hear. Like every other funeral. It was like I was supposed to go up there and tell them things that would make them cry and feel sorry. And then all of them would know that I was one of the people in Peter Parker’s life and I cared about him and he cared about me and I miss him so much and I’m having a hard time because of his death, and then they would feel right about this funeral. I just had to go up there and make them feel and think what they were supposed to feel and think after someone’s death. And then it would be a sad and heart-breaking funeral like it was supposed to be.”

“But I couldn’t Peter. I couldn’t let all of this be just a reason for the others to cry. I couldn’t let our relationship just be a reason for them to cry and feel bad. I couldn’t let myself be someone else. Not when it’s about you. And I’m really sorry if I let you down but I’m sure you would understand.”

Tony closed his eyes. He could still feel the weigh of everybody’s eyes staring at him, expecting him to go up there and say beautiful things about Peter, beautiful things they would soon forget and never remember again. 

He sighed, he felt bad for not doing this for Peter, but he felt better at keeping it to himself, because the only one who truly deserved to hear it was Peter, and Peter was dead. 

“I asked May to move in to the compound. But she refused, said she wouldn’t want to leave all of the memorises of your lives together, just to feel better. Said everything in there reminded her of you and Ben, and she wants to remember it all.”

“I understand her. I’m afraid too. I’m really afraid that I would wake up one day, and I not think about you as I open my eyes.”

“But I promise Peter, I promise I will visit her as much as possible. I promise to keep her safe and tale care of her. I promise I’ll never let her feel alone, I’ll make sure she feels belonged and loved and safe. I know that’s what you would’ve wanted. And I won’t miss a chance to persuade her to move in.”

“Peter, I realized there is so many things we didn’t get to do with each other, there is so many things I haven’t told you. Like...I’ve never apologised for taking your suit and letting you down. And you know what? I never thought the whole getting a dog thing was silly, actually I was planning on getting you one. And I never told you movie nights with you were the best days of my life. Even if we watched a movie like ten thousands times. And you haven’t picked your cooking from your aunt...You make really good pancakes. I never told you that Happy’s full name is Harold Joseph Happy Hogan. I mean you would have teased him for his entire life. And have I ever told you that Happy talks about you nonstop? He keeps telling that you’re annoying but he’s just as talkative as you when we’re talking about you. God, the man is a mess now.”

“I never told you I listen to all of your voicemails and read all of your texts, right?”

“And I’ve never told you how much I care about you, how important you are to me, I’ve never told you that you made me the father I never thought I could be. I never told you that you are my son.”

“The compound is so quiet without you these days. No one knows what to do. I can feel everyone feeling bad for me. I wish they would stop it, I’m not the one who lost his chance to live, after all.”

“Peter, Pepper keeps telling me time would heal it. He says it would be alright. She says I have to let myself be sad, that I have to let myself cry and grieve and lose myself, says that I would be okay after, she says that you wouldn’t want me to be like this. And I know that. But Peter, four months...four fucking months has passed and you weren’t in any of it. And to be honest, time is not healing any thing, it’s just making it worse as more time passes without you. And I don’t really think it would be alright. I don’t think I can do it. I don’t think I’m that strong to move on. I don’t even think I wanna move on. And you know.....I ..I know nothing can take you back...I know you can’t hear me...and I know it would make you feel really bad, but I really don’t think I can handle it....so would you....I mean it would be real if you would come back....can you...please? Can you come back? For me? Please Peter, I miss you so much and I don’t know what to do....please Peter, can you come back? Please can you not leave me? Can you please come back and stay?”  
Please, Peter, don’t leave me alone. 

\------------------------------------------------

May Parker stared at the door. She has been staring at it for almost fifteen minutes. She didn’t want to open it. She didn’t want to be faced with the things belonged to his dead nephew. His dead son. His son who has left so soon. 

But despite how much looking at that door and thinking about what was in there made her nervous and upset and sad and mad and lost, there was still something inside her. Blindly reaching for anything belonged to someone she had lost, helplessly searching for his dead son inside anything that was his. 

A part of her wanted to look at everything which was Peter’s, and it made her want to scream and sob and fall and die. But it didn’t matter. It was like a part of her was trying to punish her. For being still alive when neither his son, nor his husband was. For taking in the oxygen which could have been Peter’s. A part of her wanted to tear her apart, for not doing anything. For being at work, laughing with her colleagues, while his son was buried alive under rubbles. For not worrying too much, thinking he was Spiderman. For not getting there sooner, for not being there for his son in the last minute. 

May felt like she owed being destroyed to Peter after what has happened to him. 

So she opened the door of Peter’s room.

Nothing has changed from the last time she was there. 

There were still books and notebooks every where. Sticky notes on his walls and bed, reminding him of what he had to do. A Lego set in the corner of his room. His backpack on the bed. A chips bag on his desk and one on his bed. Computers and wires on his desk. 

No, nothing has changed. 

Except that his room was much darker and much.....emptier. His room was so fresh when Peter was in it. Now, it seemed like the soul of room has left with Peter.

May stepped in. She felt like she was hit by a wave of memories. She remembered the day they took Peter in. 

Peter looked scared from where he was looking at inside of the house from the doorway. His big brown eyes looking at the house like they haven’t seen it before.

May looked at Ben and Peter standing at the doorway from where she was in the living room.

She tried not to think of Peter’s scared and sad eyes. The way they looked at everything like everything was unfamiliar. She tried her best to keep her tears from falling down and gave Peter a slight and kind smile.

Ben patted on his shoulder and told him to come in. Peter looked up at him with his big brown eyes, some of his curls blocking his view. Then he looked at the house again and stepped into the apartment slowly.

Then he looked at May.

“Auntie?”

May paused for a minute, then she kneed down and opened her arms, still smiling slightly.

“Come here, honey.”

He waited for a second, just looking at her eyes and her arms, but then he giggled and ran towards May, throwing himself in her arms.

May kissed his hair and closed her eyes for a second, and then opened them again, looking at Ben who was smiling sadly at the scene. They stayed like that for almost a minute.

“Aunt May, where are daddy and mommy?”

May closed her eyes again and swallowed hard, a single tear falling from his closed eye. But she couldn’t cry now, this wasn’t the time. The boy had lost her parent, he needed her to be strong, he needed someone to lean on. 

She slowly pulled away from the hug and looked at Peter in the eyes while putting his curl away from his face. Ben sat on his knees besides her as well. Peter looked back and forth at them.

“Pete. There’s something we’ve gotta tell you , okay?”

Peter didn’t say a word, but he nodded.

“ Mommy and daddy are not here anymore.”

May’s heart broke from seeing Peter’s face fall. 

“But where are they?”

“They are somewhere far away. Up high, in the sky”

May could see fear and worry in Peter’s face.

“When are they coming back?”

“Sweetie. They are not....they are not coming back....”

Peter’s face suddenly turned from scared to horrified. He tried to pull away.

“ No. No. Why aren’t they coming back? I want them to come back. Please tell them to come back. I promise I’ll be a good boy.”

Peter started to cry and May embraced him again, letting him sob and ask for his parents slowly. 

“Shh. It’s going to be okay.... We’re here honey, we aren’t going to leave. It’s going to be okay...you know why? Because they are watching you from the sky. They’ll always watch you from the sky.” May whispered into Peter’s ears and he slowly started to calm down and his cried became slower and turned to sniffles.

“But why did they live?”

Peter whispered with a sad and broken voice. May wanted to cry as well. She wanted to sob and tell him she didn’t know. That she wanted them back too. But she had to be strong.

“ Because everyone leave one day. And when they do, we will miss them a lot.”

She pulled away again and stared into Peter’s eyes which were red and puffy. Hs head was down and he wanted to look at the ground. But he kept on looking at her.

“But when they leave, we have to remember that no matter how far they went, they are always living somewhere really close to us.”

She then pointed at Peter’s heart.

“They’ll always live in our hearts, so you know when they really leave? When we look at our hearts and don’t see them there. They will leave when we don’t remember them and love them anymore.”

Peter shook his heart violently and said: “But I will always love them.”

May smiled and said. 

“Then they’ll always stay.”

She slowly took Ben’s hand and smiled at him before looking at Peter again. 

“They will always live and stay with us.”

May stared at the photo of Peter in Mary’s arms- who was standing besides Richard. Peter was giggling while holding his mother’s hair, and Richard and Mary were smiling wildly.

It took Peter a ling time to fully understand his parents were never coming back again and he was going to live with Ben and May, and the more he believed it, the quitter he got, and the less he smiled, the more he kept his head down and the more he stayed in his room. It got harder and harder for Ben or May to talk to him. Because he didn’t cry or scream. He stayed silent and pulled everyone away. 

But then, one night he had a nightmare.

May woke up by feeling a small hand on her shoulder, she heard a sniffle when she opened her eyes, and looked around to see Peter standing by her bed. He was looking down at his laps, but May could see the wet trails on his cheeks, and his red eyes. He had sweat on his forehead as well. She slowly shook Ben and then looked at Peter again with soft eyes. 

“Hey, sweetie, what’s wrong?”

Peter sniffled again. “Bad dream.” He answered with his head still down. 

May smiled sadly, she made a place for him between her and Ben and put a small pillow there.

“Come here, honey.”

Ben told Peter a lot of stories that night while May played with his hair. And Peter slowly talked, asking questions about storied, asking for other stories. And finally, he fell sleep with his head on Ben’s arm. He woke up the next morning with a smile on his face, and Ben and May couldn’t be more relieved. 

She slowly put her hands on the wall and dragged it along the wall as she stepped closer to his desk. There was a photo frame on his desk as well, showing a 7 year old Peter, sitting on Ben’s lap, May besides them, Peter had an Ironman mask pulled up from his face, now laying on his hairs, an ice cream in his hand. He was struggling to look at the camera with the mask blocking his vision. Ice cream was on his face, smiling as wild as he could. 

May smiled at the memory. 

She opened one of his drawers and moved some of the papers inside, finding an ironman key ring. 

Ben knocked at Peter’s door. After waiting for a few seconds a small and sad voice was heard from inside.

“Come in.”

Ben and May shared a look, before Ben opened his door and slowly stepped in with May besides him.

“Hey, Petey.”

Ben sat down beside the boy on the bed, with his knees pulled up to his chest. May also sat down. 

“Big day tomorrow, huh?”

Peter nodded, looking at his knees.

“Are you excited for the first day of school?”

Peter paused for a minute to think.

“I’m really excited, but in a bad way.”

“So, you’re nervous?”  
Peter nodded.

Ben looked at him for a minute, then got closer to him and asked: “Why are you nervous, Pete?”

Peter pulled his legs down, and sat on the edge of the bed, his legs hanging in the air. He didn’t answer for a while, but Ben and May remained silent, giving him time to open up.

“What if....”  
Peter started with a low voice, head still down, now looking at the floor. 

“What if the other kids don’t like me?”

May’s eyes softened and she could see the same thing happen to Ben.

Ben pulled Peter up and put him on his lap.

“Ahhhhh. What are you talking about? You just show them your puppy eyes and everyone will be at your serve.”

Ben said with a teasing voice.

“I’m not a puppy, uncle Ben” Peter complained.

“Oh...then how do you get me to buy ice cream for you whenever you want?”

“Uncle Ben, you know that you like ice cream more than me.”

“Doesn’t make you any less of a puppy.” Ben said while laughing.  
Peter chuckled as well, but then his face changed and he went back to his nervous mode. He was now looking at Ben’s shirt, playing with its buttom.

“I don’t have any friends. What if I never find a friend?”

Ben pressed his lips together and took a few minutes to think.

He put his hand in his pocket and said: “Hey, umm...I’ve got you something” 

He pulled out an Ironman key ring out of his pocket and moved it in the air.

Peter’s face lit up by seeing that and he smiled wildly. 

“Uncle Ben, that’s so cooool. It’s Ironman. Thank you uncle Ben.”

He hugged his key ring but then looked up at Ben with a disappointed face.

“But I don’t have any keys.”

“Well, we can make you some and you can open the door when I get you back home from school.”

Peter’s grinned returned and he hugged his uncle tight.

“That’s so cool. Ironman will open my door everyday. And I can put Ironman in my backpack and go to school with him.”

Ben smiled at the sight and let Peter get excited as much as he wanted. But then he asked: “Peter, why do you like Ironman so much?”

Peter immediately put his most serious face on.

“Ironman is a hero and he saves people. He is so brave and so smart and nothing can stop him from what he wants. And his suit is really cool.”

Ben nodded his head in agreement.

“Exactly. Nothing stops him from being a hero and saving people. But do you think everybody likes Ironman?”

Peter shook his head and said:

“No. People say mean things about him on tv.”

“Yeah, but does Ironman stops what he is doing when people say mean things to him?”

“No, Ironman is strong.”

“Yeah, he is a hero after all. But you know what makes him a hero?”

Peter thought for a minute.

“His suit?”

Ben laughed slowly.

“Yeah, that too. But also, he is a hero because he always does the good thing, the thing he believes in and he always helps people by doing that. I’m sure he sometimes makes mistakes. But he never stops helping people and never changes who he is, because people don’t like it.”

“And that’s exactly what you have to do tomorrow.”

“You just have to go there and be yourself. And then you will find a friend that is friend with you for the person you really are.”

“You may make some mistakes, and you have to fix them and make yourself better, but never ever change who you really are so the other would like you, okay?”

May put the key ring put of the drawer and looked at it with tears in her eyes, she hugged it tight, just like Peter did that day.

“Why?”

She asked. She didn’t know who she was talking to, but she kept in asking.

“Why? Why did he have to die? Why did they all have to die?”

Was his little boy really dead? Was that boy who used look at her with his big brown puppy eyes, the one who slept in her bed whenever he had a nightmare, the one who she spent so many nights taking care of when he was sick, or afraid or sad, really dead?

Was his little sweet boy gone?

May whipped her tears and shook her head. 

No. Don’t do this. Not in Peter’s room.

She looked at the Lego set that Ned had bought him. She was really glad that Peter had found Ned. She remembered the firs time they met.

“Auntie.....Auntie...”

May heard Peter’s voice coming from outside the door. He opened the door too see Peter running towards her as fast as he could, with a big grin on his face. As soon as he got close to May, he threw himself at her leg and hugged it hard. May looked at the stairs to find Ben slowly coming up . 

She laughed as Peter hugger her leg harder and kept on calling his ‘auntie’.

“Auntieeeeee. You won’t believe it. I made a friend. I made the best friend ever.”

“Yeah, and he also made me run the whole way here to tell you that.”

Ben said from behind, but Peter completely ignored him.

May chuckled at Ben, but she couldn’t help the relieve. It has been four months since the school started and Peter hadn’t still found a friend and he was just so sad everyday. She was really glad he had finally talked to someone, she just hope that he was a good person.

Peter let go of May’s leg and took her hand and took her to the living room and sat her down on the couch and sat beside her himself. 

“His name is Ned. He saw my Ironman key holder and told me it was so cool. We just started talking and we like the same things. We talked for the whole day and I really didn’t want to say goodbye to him, but I wanted to tell you about it, too. So I ran the whole way. Aunt May, he was so good, he even shared his sandwich with me. I can’t wait to see him again.”

“Oh, really? You can’t wait to see him? Did you get bored of us that easily? Ben, do you think our boy got bored of us just like that?”

Peter tried to say something, but Ben frowned and made a hurt face and sat between May and Peter and put his arm around May. He sighed heavily and said:

“Well, I guess so. I’m hurt, Petey... Guess I have no one to buy ice cream for from now....”

Peter suddenly shook his head violently.

“No, aunt May, I didn’t get bored. And uncle Ben...you can still buy ice cream for me....now you can buy ice cream for Ned too.”

“No, Pete, my heart is broken and nothing can fix a broken heart.”

“But, uncle Ben....you said time can heal anything.”

“Don’t use my own words against me, you cruel man......or unless you want to be tickled....?”

“No, No please....auntie help mee....”

Peter’s voice and laughter echoed in May’s head. She couldn’t stop the tears anymore. Anything she looked at brought a memory of Peter or Ben to her mind. 

“Why am I still alive?”

“Why didn’t you take me?”

“Why did you take my little boy, my innocent kind boy and leave me alone in here?”

“Why did he have to die?”

“Why did he have to leave?”

“Why does everyone leave me?”

“Why don’t you let me go to them?”

“Why did you leave me alone?”

“Why did you make my son die?”

“Why don’t you let me die?”

She couldn’t take it anymore. She couldn’t live with this. She couldn’t live with the weigh of the two dead bodies on her shoulder. She 

Peter was all she had left. From the whole world, Peter was her everything. He was the reason she lived, tried and stayed strong. He was the reason she had faith in life, had desire to live, to make it better, make it better for him. All she wanted was to see him grow, become a great mam and have a great life. 

May was close to sobbing so she tried to get out of the room. But she hit the desk and the photo frame fell to the ground and broke.

May kneed down and picked up the broken glasses, but there was a paper on the floor. Probably it was behind the photo in the frame.

She picked it up and saw that it was a pocket. 

“To May”

May was shocked to see that. Peter used to write her letters when he was a kid, but he always gave them to her and she always kept them in a box in her room. Besides, he hadn’t write her since he was a kid, and the handwriting did not belong to a kid for sure. So she opened the pocket and put pulled out the paper.

“Hey, May.

Um...I don’t really know if I’m ever gonna give this to you and I’m not really sure if I want you to read it or not, but I just really needed to write it down. So... I hope if you find this one day, you’d understand and feel better.

So, it hasn’t been a long time since you...well...find out about my secret.(Mr Stark’s gonna kill me if he understands I wrote this down and just put it in a frame.) Anyway, well. I mean I know you would freak out and you always do a good job doing that. (No offense, but you can be scary, like really really scary), but I’ really glad that you didn’t stop me from what I wad doing.

The thing is, I had a really terrifying experience these days (Nothing serious, promise). 

And I can’t say It didn’t scare the hell out of me. Because it did. I mean I was close to wetting my suit. But you know, the last moment, when I thought about it, being Spiderman was my everything. Not just because I got cats down from trees, but, it was this part of me that I needed, I needed it to feel more ....more real. I needed Spiderman to understand the value of so many things. I needed it to believe that I was doing the right thing, to believe in myself and trust myself. And it gave me so much. I met Mr. Stark and you know how much I love him and how he is a father to me.  
And when I was almost close to dying, I felt proud. Spiderman and helping the others might have been something that could kill me, but I loved it even when I thought it was my last moment. I felt proud of who I was, and I felt great thinking about people I saved, old ladies I helped and pets I fed. And you know, it could’ve killed me, but I felt dying like this, with the feeling of being useful, was more worthy than living my whole life hiding fro m everything, living in fear of danger. 

And I know you aren’t really going to find this or read it, but if you do, and something has happened to me by the time you do, I just want you to know that I don’t regret anything even if I’m scared.

And thank you. Thank you for being everything to me. Not just a mother. You are my everything. You and Mr. Stark. 

So if you’re feeling lonely and hurt, if you think that there’s no meaning left in anything, I just want you to remember what Ben told me after my parents death. I won’t ever leave you and I’ll always be in your heart, as long as you remember me. 

But aunt May, you are one of the strongest people I’ve ever met, and you taught me the meaning of life. You taught me the importance of helping and the value of sacrifice. You made me the person I am and I can’t be more grateful. So I want you to keep fighting. For me, for uncle Ben, for Mr. Stark. you know how much I love both of you. You are my parents and you mean the world to me, so please don’t give up. Don’t give up on me. Even if I’m not there. 

Because all I wanted to do was help people as much as I can, just like you taught me. And there are still a lot of people out there that need help, there are still so many things that needs to be fixed and there are so many people that need you. So please don’t give up. Please. For me. 

Please take care of Ned and MJ. Stay with Mr. Stark, because I think he’d really need you. And most importantly, take care of yourself, don’t let yourself fall because now I might be living in you and I would fall if you do. Please don’t blame yourself and never ever be alone. 

Remember me,  
Peter.”

May stared at the paper with wet holes all over it. She put it aside, the put her face in her hands.

And she sobbed. 

And sobbed and sobbed and sobbed.

She didn't want to be strong.

She just wanted her son back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I said I'm really sleepy right now, so I think I really messed up the last part.(couldn't even see what I was writing, my eyes were half closed). 
> 
> Anyway, I'm thinking this whole thing is crap so please comment and let me know what you think of it. And I can't edit right now so let me know if anything's wrong and I'll edit later.
> 
> One more chapter to come.  
> Thanks for reading


	3. Always stay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the last chapter. Thanks everyone for reading, please let me know what you think of it. I guess this chapter is a little better than the other ones, but sorry it's shorter.

It was a cold November afternoon. The sky was dark and covered by grey clouds, probably about to rain. 

Tony clung to his coat harder as another round of wind hit him, making him shiver. Leaves were moving back and forth on the ground, making a noise which disappeared in the ‘Whoosh’ sound of wind. 

Tony walked towards the gravestone, and stood right in front of it. He smiled and gently put a hand on the headstone, slowly rubbing it. Then, he sat down and looked at it for a minute. 

“Hey, kid.”

“So, ....big day, huh? 17th birthday.”

“Mr. Stark, you can’t call me a kid anymore, I’m 17 now, I’m a grown man.”

Tony almost heard Peter’s voice. He sometimes did. He guessed he had gotten so close and used to the kid, that he couldn’t help but imagined his responds sometimes. But he didn’t quiet heard it. The voice in his head was so....small, and it was from far far away. It was so faded and so....gone. It wasn’t as excited as Peter’s tone and it was so much smaller than Peter’s voice, so it didn’t have the spirit. But sometimes Tony wanted to stick to it, he wanted to close his eyes and cover his ears, so he wouldn’t hear any other sound, so he would just hear Peter’s voice. Because maybe if he tried enough, he could find Peter’s voice in it somewhere. The voice he hadn’t heard in almost a year. 

A year without Peter. 

“No, not without Peter, he’s still here. He’s still with you.” He corrected himself. 

“You were sad that I didn’t visit at morning with May and your friends and Pepper, weren’t you?”

He sighed. Pepper had tried to convince Tony to visit with them, but he wanted to talk to Peter alone. When he was here by himself, it just felt like the old times he spent with Peter, he could be himself, he could open up and act like he was really talking to Peter. He didn’t need to avoid what he wanted to d9 and hide besides the shadow of grieve. He felt like Peter was there when he was there by himself, with the others, Peter seemed more dead. He was sure May could understand him, He was sure May had the same feeling, that’s why she didn’t get upset when he said he wasn’t coming and he would visit later, by himself. That’s why she didn’t insist and just gave Tony a smile and put her hand in his shoulder, making him look up and smile as well. 

Tony knew that everyone were sad, he knew that they all missed Peter. Butt there were these moments, when only May and Tony understood each other. It was like this feeling that only they could feel in some special moments. And They both knew it, they knew how the other one was feeling and they tried to comfort each other or at least let each other know that they weren’t alone and they understand. By something like a simple smile, like a single tear, like an understanding glance, like a hand on the shoulder or a hug. 

Tony was glad that May was there for him. May was so much stronger than him and he didn’t know what he’d do without her.

“You would’ve been so excited. Specially if you knew what I got you.”

He clapped his hands together. 

“Finally....We’ve got a dog. Perfect, isn’t it? It was Pepper’s idea and I though it’d be brilliant. I really wanted to bring him to you, but Pepper’s still doing the paper works and things. And as you always wanted, we didn’t buy a expensive one, we got one from a shelter, his owners left him in the streets and he had a fight with a bigger dog and...he was pretty shaken up, so when we saw it, we though that’d be exactly what you wanted. Save someone who’s in deep shit, well...even if it’s a dog.”

“No offense, Pete, but I think he picked his puppy eyes from you, or...the other way around.”

“Well, I remember you once told me your first Pokémon in Pokémon game was a Charizard, and you named it ‘chari’. So we decided to name him Chari. I mean, it’s a weird name but I thought it makes him kind of special.”

“Oh...And another big news. I don’t know if it’s exactly a good news or not, but anyway...”

“Aunt hottie moved out of your apartment. The thing is she’s nit moving in the compound, she’s renting a smaller apartment in Queens. I told her she could come live with us again, but she said she needed some alone time to handle everything, said she would move to the compound when she was ready. I understand her, I’m just glad she decided to move out, it wouldn’t have been so healthy for her to live in there. But don’t worry, I’m gonna stick to her as much as I can. She’s not gonna be alone at all, although.... I guess she would rather to be alone than with me, even I don’t want to spend time with me.”

He paused for a minute and frowned.

“Okay, that wasn’t a funny joke at all, that was rather scary. I don’t know how you managed to do it, but my adorable super confidence is gone and I think your annoying selflessness has gotten to me... and honestly I’m freaking out.”

“Okay, so enough of stupid jokes, I have to go , May and MJ and Bed are going to come as well as Happy and Rhodey, we’re all gathering for your birthday.”

Tony looked at the gravestone again. At the name ‘Peter Parker’. At the date of birth. Then at flowers on the headstone. Tony shivered again. He felt so numb.

He had been trying to get himself back together and get back to his life, since Peter left, and he was doing good. Because he had a reason.

Peter might not be physically there, but Tony was still living with him. He was stipple living with his memory, with his love. He was still living for Peter.

Because Peter was still the reason, he was the reason Tony could not go back to being a mess. Peter always saw him as a perfect person, as a strong brave hero, and even if he wasn’t as good as Peter thought of him, it still made Tony want to try to be better, it still made him want to be a better person, the person hero saw in him. And it made it easier. Because Peter always made it easier. Remembering the way Peter looked at him, that proud and excited look Peter’s face wore when he looked at Tony, it made Tony want to live his life. 

With Peter.

For Peter.

But right now....looking at his grave after almost a year, thinking about how Peter wasn’t present for his own birthday -the birthday he was so happy about-, thinking that years were gonna pass without him in his birthday.. .it made Tony feel numb, empty. It made Tony want to break, it made him want to give up.

But he wouldn’t. Not until he was in the world that Peter Parker was a part of it. Not in a life that included Peter Parker in it. Not as a person who was Peter Parker’s father. Because Peter Parker learnt him so much. And one of the things he learnt Tony was how t9 be strong, not only for yourself, but for everyone you love. 

So Tony got up, smiled at the name, and started leaving.

“Goodbye, Peter, see you soon.”

A small drop of water dropped on Tony’s forehead. He waited, and looked at sky and saw more drops coming, he closed his eyes and smiled and let the rain fall down on him as it poured more and harder every second. He then opened his eyes, and despite the single tear that fell down his cheek, he still had his smile. 

And the only sound that could be heard was the sound of rain falling hard on ground and the leaves crashing underneath his feet.

“Pete, will you stay with me?”

And Tony could hear Peter Parker’s tine in the voice playing in his mind.

“ Always, Mr. Stark. Always.”

____________________________

FIVE YEARS LATER

“....I mean, I’ve had so many good news for you and I’m sure you’re going to be depressed if I come here one day without a gospel.”

It was a sunny day in May and Tony was laying besides Peter’s grave. After almost six years, it became his habit to lay there, and he really didn’t care about the people who stared at him, probably thinking he was a crazy weirdo. 

“I mean.... first of all, Happy and May start dating, then Rhodey meets this super ugly woman, I mean I don’t really know what everyone like about her, she told me having an AI was weird. I didn’t work my ass off just to be told that my work is weird by my friend’s girlfriend, and the worst art is that everyone laughed at that, like that was funny. Oh god, I hope you were there so you could kick her ass, I know you get all protective about me, and NO, I could not kick her ass myself, I’m Tony Stark, kid, what would people say? Well, to be honest I don’t really care about people’s thoughts because right now there’s a couple staring at me like I’m insane, they should be thinking I’m talking to a ghost, but anyway, if I kicked her ass, Rhodey would have killed me with his own hands and then gave my corpse to Pepper so she could tear me apart. I mean she’s my wife, why does she always team up with everyone against me?”

“Okay, what were we talking about? Yeah, the good news. And then Pepper gets pregnant and now I have a baby girl. The cutes one in the world, which I’m sure you would’ve loved. We talk a lot about you , so she already knows you and loves you. I can tell by the way she claps her hand when we say your name. She even hugged your photo frame one day and slept with it, and she named his teddy bear Petey, she can barely say it but it makes it even more cute, and by the way, sorry that we made you a teddy bear. Anyway, and after all those good news, now Happy and May are getting married tomorrow. Kid you owe me big time for all the energy I’m using talking to you. Sometimes I think my jaw’s going to fall off. And you just listen and say nothing. How rude.”

“And did I tell you how pretty May looks in her dress? It’s gorgeous. You know what’s even more gorgeous? The fact that I was the first one who saw her in her dress. Not Pepper, not anyone, but me. It was such an honour but I think she regretted it after I bragged about it to everyone.”

“The wedding starts at the morning, so I’m sure she’s visiting tonight.”

“ May is going to move out from her room in the compound and they’re going to buy their own apartment. It would have been so cool if they lived in one of the floors, but since they already decided that they were going to adopt a kid and they even chose who they want to adopt, so I think they deserve to live in their own home. It’s hardly 5 minutes away from the compound though, so I guess we’ll be having dinner together every night, as per usual, so almost everything is staying the same.”

“And finally... we’re done building the shelters in Queens. I named them ‘Spidey’. I know it’s a weird name, but people really appreciated it, they’ve missed you a lot after we announced your death, I think it means a lot to them. The housing shelter still needs some work, but the emergency shelter started working a week ago. And the first family entered last night, their building was burnt, so they might stay there for a long time.”

Tony closed his eyes. The images of a burning building came to his mind, two legs on the ground, a pale face, a dead body. Peter’s dead body.

But then he shook his head and remembered that family’s happy face when they entered the shelter. Remembered Morgan’s sleeping form with his hands embracing Peter’s photo.  
Remembered how pretty May looked in her dress. He remembered Happy’s excited face as they chose May’s ring together with Rhodey. For once his name suited him.

And then he remembered Peter’s happy face and his smile and his eyes. 

“It’s okay, Mr. Stark”

The voice in his head said.

“I’m still here. I’ll always be.”

Tony opened his eyes and let his tears fall. But he wasn’t sad. He was happy. Because Peter was still with him. He was still with all of them.

“I know, kid. I know.”

He opened his eyes and smiled. 

“Always stay, okay?”

He could imagine Peter smiling back at him faintly. 

“I will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, even though it's less sad than the others, but I actually cried for this one, because I really miss Peter. (I know it's a fiction and it's my own fiction m, but...)
> 
> Did you like the ending? Did you like this fanfic? Let me know in comments. 
> 
> Thanks for reading and sorry if it made you sad.  
> Again sorry for the mistakes, I'm in a hurry right now, so I'll edit it later.  
> And yes, I know Peter's birthday is in August, but I changed it for the sake of my fic. So, yeah, sorry

**Author's Note:**

> So....I was thinking about a not really character death story but I think all of fanfics are about people's problems and death and dealing with it is a big one. And not everybody out there have super strength and most of the deaths in our lives aren't fake no matter how much we want them to be. So....yeah...I kinda hate myslef too.  
> Please let me know what you think of it.


End file.
